and then..

your xmas cold kicks in... and you leave your xmas party early as you can't tilt your head back far enough to keep the tears in...

but at least being at work is a bit of solice as it keeps me busy and if I can just manage to work work work I won't fall apart at the seams... perhaps my lost appetite will assist in shifting all the unruly pounds I've put on since starting this contract.

xmas will be spent by myself and new years too but i've done my best to line up working remotely for then and there will be lots of time for painting and gymming... a little reprive. I just hope I can find a new flat as soon and get settled.

i am the only constant in my life and you know what.... i'll get through this. that is one thing i'm certain of. Something to laugh about this time next year i suppose :)

and then...

you wake up the next day and realise that your nightmare is reality and it's confirmed that even if good things are not excluded from you... this is not one of those times... and this is one of those times that the bad things are waaaaaaaaaaaay worse than you could ever expect and you wonder why no matter how hard you try in life you always find the ones with broken wings... sometimes however they managed to shit on you even before they fly off...

anyone got any stain remover?

you know...

sometimes i go though phases where i say to myself... 'sarah, you deserve good things to happen to you' and the rest of the time i say... ' ha dont' think for a second you deserve anything to come to you easily' I'm very much thinking that my life has just flashed a big notice board confirming the latter. I'm almost certain now that I did something pretty awful in a past life as if this is karma then, man... I fear I may just be served with a hefty invoice. I really don't want to believe... I'm not here... this isn't happening.

cheque please